Every No makes space for the perfect YES. A yes that opens the doors to opportunities, fulfilment, freedom, love and abundance.
Yet saying no to someone or something requires courage because it can cause uncertainty, frustration, anger, pain or at least arguments. As a species we humans have a quite low tolerance for discomfort. Besides most of us want to belong, feel accepted and loved. We’re afraid of seeming like a diva or jerk, of being perceived as unhelpful or uncooperative or a bad spouse, girlfriend, mother, daughter. We’re afraid of hurting people’s feelings. Sometimes we’re afraid of missing out on potential opportunities. We often rather say yes and tell ourselves something like “This too will pass” or “Come on, don´t make a fuss” than rock the boat. Being liked by others is often a by-product of saying yes. Liking and respecting yourself sometimes comes only from saying no.
Every time you say yes to something you don´t want to do, it can result in you feeling bad about yourself and the other person, having less energy for things that really matter to you, blocking happiness & abundance because you are in a low vibration state of resentment and so on. And ultimately another small portion of your life is used up by something you don´t want.
The power of choice
You need the power of no so you can set proper boundaries around the things and people that impact you negatively or hurt you directly.
You absolutely have the right to choose whom you say no to. If after every interaction with a certain person you feel drained to the bone you have the right to say no to that person. It´s an act of self-love. I would say it´s an obligation you have towards yourself.
Every day family, friends, bosses & colleagues, neighbours, the media want at least your attention but most often they want you to attend to their needs. You have the right to evaluate to what you want to say yes and what is rather a no. Saying yes to something you don´t want to do often results in you resenting the other person, criticising yourself and feeling bad about the situation. The least you can do is buy yourself time by saying “I´ll think about it and will get back to you on this” so you can make a decision that comes from a place of power within you and not from a place of fear or any preconditioning. Thinking and pondering it before saying yes or no leads you to a greater understanding of who you are and what is best for you and your life.
A no is definitely not about turning down a friend or relative in need in order to go shopping, read a book or meditate. It´s a beautiful thing to be generous and supportive and most people love to help. But if someone is always in need for help, lives in a victim space or space of learnt helplessness this is not your issue or responsibility – it´s theirs.
You have a right to say no
You have the right to say no to something that doesn´t reflect your truth.
You have the right to say no to distractions that keep you off your path.
You have the right to say no to someone who is not loyal to you.
You have the right to say no when you feel being taken advantage of.
You have the right to say no when it protects you from abuse by others.
You have the right to say no when you are stressed, overwhelmed or running on empty.
You have the right to say no if you simply don´t want to do something.
A no is never received well – no matter how you gift wrap it. A no may not be a way to win friends – but maybe a way to win respect. A no hurts – and a hurt lingers longer than a compliment. Especially for sensitive people even reflected pain like a wounded look, a disappointed face or tears is difficult to bear. Although a no may be hard to say, you need to learn to use it without feeling bad.
Stand up for yourself by speaking your truth
You can say no with a polite, respectful tone. You absolutely can be nice and say no.
When you have strong boundaries people tend to come to you only with meaningful requests.
Your no makes your yes more valuable for other people.
You become a role model for a clear, confident and self-honouring communication style.
You inspire others to honour their boundaries and needs.
Establishing healthy boundaries in your personal and professional relationships is an act of radical self-love. The only way that other people can really love you is by showing them who you really are.
The payoff of being a “boundary setter” and “no-sayer” who doesn´t feel guilty is an increase in self-confidence, energy, time and space for the things that really matter to you and it definitely eliminates any false friends.
Do you want to learn how to say no with grace? You need more support or inspiration on this topic? You have energy vampires in your life and you don´t know how to deal with them?
Come to my workshop in Aachen on June 24th – see my events page.