When a relationship ends earlier than we had hoped or expected, we tend to think that the relationship has failed or that we have failed as a person or partner – or that the other person has failed. Seeing the end of a relationship through “failure lenses” adds dramatically to the pain we feel when a bond breaks. It tends to keep us stuck and doesn´t support us in learning the lesson that would help us heal, grow and move on.
It´s been said many times and I strongly believe it, too that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Some are blessings, some are lessons – and some are a lesson in disguise. We all have people who come into our lives for a short period and some have a longer role to play. When we release the idea that only a “happily ever after relationship” is a good, worthwhile or successful relationship we are able to reduce our suffering over the end of it. I´m not suggesting that you´ll be glad the hurt or loss has happened. I know how painful it is and how challenging it can be to mend a broken heart and to let go of what is no longer meant to be. I´m just inviting you to shift your perception of it towards growth and healing. In the end, the way we experience life is the result of the way we choose to view what happens to us.
I believe life always moves us towards exploring the wounds that we need to heal.
It does so by introducing us to people who help us and love us but also by presenting us to people who hurt or leave us so that we can grow into the person we were meant to become. When we are open to learning what life is trying to teach us and see chances for healing and growth rather than problems and disaster, we are able to release the idea of a failed relationship and we are more likely to move on. Move on from this relationship, move on from anything that is not serving us, and move on with life in the direction of our dreams.
As much as I can, I consciously choose to view my experiences in life through “growth lenses”. I may not be able to do this in my darkest hour or weakest moment, but once I get out of the deepest pain, I make a conscious effort to learn the lesson and track the blessings.
What are your learnings from this relationship that has ended?
What are the gifts you have received in this relationship that are yours forever? What wisdom have you gained from this experience and how can you apply it moving forward in your life? What skills have you learnt or developed in this relationship that you didn´t have before? What are the sweet memories that no one can ever take away from you? What will you commit to never doing or allowing again?
I close this blogpost with a quote of Dr. Wayne Dyer that helped me a lot when I was going through my break-up and I was trying to make sense of it at the beginning of 2016. It´s from the book “I can see clearly now” p.46: …”There are no mistakes in this universe. The stars are all in alignment. The sun is the exact distance from earth, to the millimetre, to create and sustain life. There is a precision to this universe, whether looking through a telescope or a microscope that defies intellectual comprehension. It is all perfect down to the tiniest subatomic particle and outward to the most distant celestial body. Included within this precision is all that comes our way as well, even though an understanding of the why is frequently not apparent… Everything shows up in divine time. We get what we need on the schedule of a force much larger than ourselves. This invisible force moves the pieces around in its own way, in its own time, to harmonize with the perfect precision that defines every cubic inch of space and time….”
Are you ready to put your growth lenses on, heal your heart and create a life you love?